Why do you need approval from someone else to live your life?

by Annapurna Sharma

Have you ever noticed why you are looking for an approval or decision from someone else for things you want to do?

When we are girls, we are not allowed to pursue our choices and have to seek approval from elders to do everything.

Then, we are married and we are looking for approval from husband or in-laws even to do smallest of things like going out to see friends or some time off.


Why girls?

As women or girls we tend to make our friend and families more important than ourselves and in that process, we just lose our own importance.  In some cases, our minds get conditioned to not make decisions and seek approval because that’s what we have been doing since childhood and then we never think of coming out of it.

Our minds have been conditioned to think that way. It’s with our upbringing. I am not blaming what our parents did to us was wrong. They did what they could and probably they also did not know about all this. They are humans as well after all.

Forget big decisions, we need permission from other people to feel how we look, how we dress, how we talk to someone, what we need to do in life. How can you feel happy when you yourself don’t know what you need. Each one of us is unique and beautiful in our own way. Everyone else has their own way of looking at things, what could seem right to one could not be right to other and you would always be in a dilemma as you can never make everyone happy.

Do you want your girls to be dependent like we are?  Though we are still so-called independent in terms of earning money or having a career, we are not fully independent when it comes to our personal choices, dreams, and life.

I have been dealing with the same and I have decided to take charge of it.

Let me give my own example here. I have a job and I work equally as much as my husband does. Now, I want to learn dancing and wish to join a class. But, my family is like why do you need to learn the dance? who will cook food? What is the need for it now?  Why don’t you rest? etc. They do not get the fact that I also have a life, I have dreams, I want to live my life doing things I love. When I am stopped from doing things I love, it suppresses my feelings which impacted my health. Dancing gives me an opportunity to express my feelings which otherwise ain’t coming out and keeping those feelings within me made me sick. I started my self-care and realized how important it is to be able to express your feelings and do things which give you happiness.  I stopped taking permissions and started taking my own decisions. Initially, I was afraid if my relationship with my husband and family would go haywire. But, then with time, I realized that I could not live such a life suppressing all my interests and it started impacting my health as well. It also taught me that if I keep looking for permissions, there will always be more chances of denial than approval. With time, I have made a stand for myself and my family is accepting the change in me.

As a result, my health started getting back on track, I am a more confident person, I express more. In this process, I also realized how my expression of thoughts was helping other girls as well. My happiness and contentedness quotient have grown multifold since I have started taking my own decisions and standing for them. Don’t let the fear of making mistake take that joy away from you. It’s absolutely okay to make mistakes and learn rather than not take any action. Its okay to put yourself on priority as well.  We are the children of same God and God doesn’t want you to look down for the sake of your family or friends.  Let’s stand for ourselves not just to be happy within, but also to help our new generations learn what gender equality means be it a boy or a girl. Remember, while we have conditioned our minds to not stand for ourselves, the people around us have conditioned to believe that women/girls should not stand for themselvesStand for yourself and for all the girls!!!

Next time you are in a situation where you are stressed and don’t know what to do, calm yourself, think logically and make a decision and no more overthinking. Forget what anyone would say.  It’s better to make a decision by yourself and learn from it than just sitting there and struggling.  See the results for yourself :). The amount of confidence and happiness that grows in you.


Source image: Pexels

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